Together
by asd'viers.dfga
Summary: We couldn't save one relationship without damaging another. My heart felt torn in two... "We...we tried," She gasped out in between breaths. "I'm so sorry Ian." She was cut off by the sobs that were racking her entire body.
1. Collapse

**Disclaimer:** They all belong to Stephanie. And not me. Unfortunately.

This is an AU fanfic; if I say any more, I'll give it away.

I'm not giving anything away.

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Chapter 1: Collapse

How long had it been? Time was never a sure thing in these caves and from my vantage in the deepest corner of the game room, it was impossible to know whether it was day or night. Had my fingers grown to the small object cradled in my arms? I lifted a stiff, unwilling index finger to reassure myself that my hands were, indeed, still a part of me. The dull ache in my finger announced that I would be very impossibly sore…_if_ I ever decided to move. But I didn't want to; there was nothing for me to move for. No comfort, no hope, no passion. No love. I was suddenly aware of the silence around me despite the gurgling stream, wrapping itself around me and the faint hum of the tiny capsule in my arms. The humid air in this cavern would have definitely suffocated my already tear-thickened throat, had it not been for the cool radiance of the cryotank.

I just needed to be alone with her. That's why I chose the game room. This was a time for mourning, not a time to play, and the hospital became overwhelmingly crowded only too soon after the news of her sacrifice spread. Besides, lately, everyone had made it a point to avoid me at all costs. Everyone, or at least the people with a shred of compassion in their heart, was always dropping in to tell me how sorry they were and that things would get better. Things would definitely not get better. How could they even suggest something so disrespectful and ridiculous? Nothing was going to be alright; she had stolen herself from me and now I had nothing left to live for. Nothing except the glow and the chill that told me she was still alive in my arms. Not even the hope that they would return from the raid and they would not be empty-handed. The thought of the other option made me shudder.

"Wanda," I spoke absently, breaking the silence with my hoarse whisper of a voice. How long had I sat speechless? "If you can hear me, I'm sorry…"

My voice caught then, a painful stab in my throat, as the tears clung to my dried out eyes stingingly. Maybe I was out of my mind, or maybe I was just resorting to her altruistic way in an attempt to make her real…but I suddenly felt that it really **was** my fault. My love couldn't keep her here. I let the tears trace hot paths down my grimy face. _It's not fair._ If I could've kept her locked in my arms, if I would've never fell asleep, if…

Damn my laughable sleeping habits.

Why didn't she just cling to that selfish little sentence long enough for us to find the solution? I shut my eyes and leaned back against the jagged rock wall, the muscles in my back screaming at me to resume my former position. I ignored them, just like I was ignoring the tears. This had to work.

Despite my fondness of the excitement that going on raids usually brought me, I refused their invitation. I didn't care what she looked like. She was my Wanderer. It was her, the soul, that I loved, and no physical body would make me love her more or less. Although our relationship would work a lot better, all things considered. My back wasn't the only portion of my body screaming in protest at me. My stomach growled loudly; it almost seemed to echo off the walls. Maybe I should eat something, since I hadn't eaten anything since that night. A voice in the back of my mind, one that sounded very, very familiar, argued with me, telling me to eat something. I glanced down at the silver cylinder in my arms. Heh. That's just like her. It almost put a smile on my face.

"All we can do is hope…" I whispered to her quietly, my weary body standing reluctantly by its own accord.

Stretching proved to be a very painful experience. While keeping a firm grasp on my one and only, I shot my arms to the low cavern ceiling, the tips of my fingers on one hand brushing the smooth surface above me. A tiny gasp of pain escaped my lips. Ouch. The intensity of the pain made me wonder how long I had been there yet again. But that wasn't important right now. What was important was that I eat. For her.

My feet maneuvered the familiar, pitch black tunnels automatically while I was caught up in a reverie. Not thinking about anything in particular, just the different reasons I fell for her. The way she laughed when I said something she thought was funny, the shine in her eyes whenever she would notice when we got close, the facial expressions she made as she would internally monologue or argue with the rightful owner of her body. I knew that these were all Wanderer, and that it didn't matter whose body she was in because she would always do these things. Subconsciously I realized that the caves were empty, completely devoid of anyone except me and my entire world. _Where is everyone?_ I thought, but quickly shook it off and continued my speculation.

Before Melanie had woken up in the hospital, I had wondered what it would be like. Would it be awkward for the both of us and Jared? I didn't know, but the first time I saw Melanie looking at me with her own eyes, I knew that there would be no confusion because I knew at that instant that there was nothing in that body that I loved now. But there was that jealousy, as I watched Jared and Melanie reunite. Though it was not because I wanted Melanie, which was certain. I wanted the comfort of having another, the ability to hold her in my arms and then never letting go. _If she's ever capable of being in my arms again_, I promised myself, _I'm never going to let her go._ **If**. That was such a scary word.

By the time I realized where my feet had taken us, I couldn't turn back, and the side-thought about the abandoned tunnels caught up with me. The blinding light hit my face and I blinked it away viciously, unable to see anything except white. I heard the abrupt halt of low conversations and even breathing. Nothing seemed to move for hours, though it had only been a few seconds. I felt completely helpless and vulnerable as I stood where I was seen but could not see. Then an anxious cry shattered the silence into a million glass shards.

"Ian!"

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Author's Note:

This is my first The Host fanfic, and I would just like to point out that this is, obviously, from Ian's point of view after Wanderer sacrifices herself for Melanie. I know this has been done before, but I'm going to deviate from everything else. I've been checking to make sure that I wasn't writing with an idea that's already been used, and I haven't come across anything so far, so hopefully I'm not "stealing anyone's idea".

I also realize this is** really** short; this was going to be a one-shot, but the idea just kept growing until I just had to make it into a story with more than one chapter. I just couldn't leave this idea of mine alone.

Constructive criticism never hurt anyone! Except that one guy…


	2. Sacrifice

Midnight Sapphire Eyes – Thanks! I only hope that I get writer's block two chapters in.

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Chapter 2: Sacrifice

This…was not right.

I shouldn't be able to hear that voice unless…I blinked my eyes several more times before allowing myself to jump to conclusions. Got to be rational about this, for once. My blinking stopped and, as my eyes adjusted to the brightly lit room before me, I recognized many faces. But that wasn't right either. If I could hear that voice, if she was here, then there should be a face among the many that I don't know.

Melanie looked at me nervously. She was cautious, more of the soul that I had come to know, if anything. She was standing off to the right of Jared, Jamie in between them and behind them. Her stance was defensive and stiff, though I couldn't figure out why. I wasn't going to hurt anyone.

_Except yourself._ My conscience told me again, taking the form of Melanie's voice with Wanda's caring tone again, and I sighed deeply, trying to exhale all the air in my lungs until I felt as empty physically as I did mentally. This really was going to drive me insane with grief.

"Um…Ian?" Melanie called, a little quieter.

I took a step forward and nodded once in reply, afraid that, after observing everyone's expression's of terror, if I did open my mouth to say anything, the gravelly sound of my voice would frighten them. They were already ridiculously petrified of me at the moment.

"Uh…" She looked unsure; torn between knowing what to say and not knowing how to word it gently for my benefit. "We're back."

Well, that much was obvious. Melanie wasn't the type of person who restated the obvious. She was very sarcasm-friendly. So what she told me was either a very dumb question to take up the silence or she had more to say. I didn't think I'd really prefer the latter, but I hated being in the dark about things. I proceeded forward until I was completely engulfed in the artificial light of the hospital; a strange place to gather after a raid, but I'll admit, you couldn't call any of us normal. Not one of us. Everyone was there, with the exception of Sharon and Maggie. My eyes blurred the images of each person together in my mind, looking past them to the cots to see anyone new, anyone at all. I only saw Jodi, and many despairingly empty cots.

Melanie caught my gaze and her face shifted to a painful mask of pity and agony. I opened my mouth to ask, "Why?" but all I could do was stand there with my mouth gaping like an imbecile. I opened and shut my mouth several times, and suddenly, I couldn't breath. The air in the crowded hospital was threatening to suffocate me again, this time on the verge of success. New tears prickled to my eyes and, hard as I tried, I couldn't blink them back. It was true, this was all happening. They had come back empty-handed.

My breathing became frantic as I struggled for air, the taste of the tears mingling with my efforts to breathe. I fell to my knees in front of my audience, my hands clinging to the cryotank tighter than they ever had.

"Ian, we…we tried," Melanie gasped out, her throat audibly tight with tears as well. "But there were Seekers everywhere and we barely got away, and-"

Her voice quivered loudly as she was cut off by the sobs that began racking her body. They were much the same as mine, but lacking the same intensity. She did love her though; I knew that much now. Jared pulled the sobbing woman into his chest and wound his arms tightly around her, comforting her with whispers and patting her back. I surveyed the others in the room, who looked much blurrier than they had before. No one could provide me with relief. I kneeled there, sobbing my heart out in front of all of them.

"I'm so sorry, Ian," She said in between breaths. I could barely comprehend her. "If I would've known that fixing this was going to be this difficult, I would've never let her go. I'm sorry!"

She placed her head in her hands in defeat and I felt a pang of sympathy in my chest. I realized that I was going to have to talk sooner or later; might as well get it over with.

"Melanie…Mel," I experimented; I had never once called to her since she was no longer Wanderer. "It's not your fault, it's mine. I should've never fallen asleep. You did your best, but this isn't your mistake to fix."

She shook her head slowly but said nothing. The crowd was hesitantly disappearing, one by one, but I didn't care. Let them go. They didn't have anything to say to me, and they certainly weren't the people I thought they were. My mind's eye construed them into ugly, cruel monsters in my self-pity. After a few minutes of our silent tears, Jared, Jamie, Melanie, Doc, Jeb, and I were the only people left in the room. It shocked me that Jeb had kept quiet for so long. No sooner had the thought crossed my mind, the old man began to speak.

"You gonna be alright there, kid?" He began, and not waiting for an answer, he continued, gazing down at me with his usual mask of blankness. "Y'know, ya can't wallow in yer misery forever. Gotta just accept what life gives ya and be grateful ya still got what ya got. Though I am gonna miss her."

Saying he was going to miss her in such a resigned tone was definitely not comforting; if anything it was making it worse.

"No," I gasped out. "I'm not going to sit back and accept this."

"Then use yer mind and think o' something," He nearly cut me off with his response. "The rest o' us cared about Wanda just as much as you did."

Think of something? The possible potential of that caught me off guard and Jeb could see that; he was planning on that. But what could we possibly do to save her? We couldn't find another body without being caught, and the best way to avoid being caught, besides just not going on another raid and that was simply just not an option for me, was to blend in with the souls. But no one here could do that. Everyone here was human; Jodi, even, since Kyle had forcibly requested that Sunny be removed from her body though Jodi was still comatose. So, what then? I had reached a mental brick wall, and threw my hands out in a shrug.

"Yer not thinking hard enough. I honestly thought you were more intelligent 'n that."

Jeb was just trying to goad me into inspiration, and maybe it was working, but as soon as the answer appeared, I frowned on it. No. I wasn't going to let that happen. Not my Wanderer. Not at the possible expense of any of my friends. I'm sure that anyone in this room with me now would feel the same about reinserting Wanderer into one of us. I shuddered.

I glared up at the man. Really, I did respect him, but sometimes he was just so damn obnoxious. He had a kind look about him; I would almost say he was mocking me.

Now I knew I was insane.

The others just watched me with a silent curiosity, possibly thinking of various sides to attack this conflict from. Jared's face was absent as he stared in my general direction, his mind somewhere else. I didn't expect him to really give one hundred percent. Jamie was thinking hard, a huge grin crossing his face. Melanie was just still. Very still and very alert and she visibly stiffened as her mind assessed her conclusions.

"Well?" Jeb asked expectantly, staring at me but directing the question to everyone.

Nobody said a word as Melanie hesitantly stepped forward. "I know what we have to do."

"We have to…reinsert her."

Even Jared, whose thoughts were miles away, caught the insinuation in the tone of her suggestion. Besides, it was obvious that reinsertion was the only choice if we ever wanted to see her again.

"No! Mel, you can't!" Jared grabbed her wrists swiftly and spun her to face him.

"Does it look like we have any other choice?" Mel snapped quickly, her voice cracking with emotion, her dark hair falling in her face as she bowed her head.

Jared recoiled at her anger, flinching back but keeping a firm grip on her, as if he was afraid to let her go.

"But…I-I just got you back, Mel," He whispered quietly, lowering his eyes to the cave floor. It was so strange, watching him as he seemed so vulnerable and helpless. "Please…don't."

Unable to bear watching their following embrace, I turned and clenched my eyes shut, trying to shut everything around me out. I knew that Jared loved Melanie, but _I _loved _Wanderer_, and…it just seemed so selfish, this situation everyone was thrown in due to her departure. We couldn't save one relationship without damaging another. My heart felt torn in two, and then I understood how Wanda must've felt when she was in Melanie. Whatever decision we made, it wasn't going to be fair to any of us.

"I need some time to think."

And then I ran. I ran as far away form the horrible, looming hospital as possible, and felt a twinge of similarity as I described it as seen through Wanda's eyes. Everything was forgotten to me; the food I was originally going to retrieve, the pain that held my entire body, the sudden fatigue I felt at the very thought of Wanderer and Melanie sharing the same body again.

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**Author's Note:** I know that the fact that this is an AU fic is going to turn a lot of people off to it. It's really not going to differ from the original plots that much; in the sense that everyone will be happy in the end like Stephanie's plot. But that's all I'm saying. I couldn't ignore this; I had to get this idea down on paper; I kept thinking, "What if this happened?" or "How would certain characters react if so-and-so did this?" So please, review and tell me what you think. Let me know what I can improve on!


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